Tummy time

There is something about holding a baby right? Having that little person curl up next to your body, completely trusting you. The fear is their fragile neck. That head is just so heavy that it just seems to want to go in the opposite direction of the body all the time. So many people are afraid that it will just break! And parents of preemies really don't need one more fear on their list right?

The concept of tummy time is great. And of course there are so many great mats, and toys and pillows that are supposed to make this a great experience for baby, right?? Those extras don't seem to be anymore helpful with tummy time than a plain old quilt! That is probably because my little man just absolutely hates tummy time. Granted he loves to be held on your chest in the same position, and then he lifts his head to look around, but put him on the blanket, or play mat and he starts to fuss.

It is so hard in those few precious moments of his awake time to make him do something that results in a crying, fussing baby. So I have found a little timer that I keep near the tummy time toys so that as soon as I put him down I set that time for five minutes, the recommended time for him according to his doctor. That way I know he is getting his recommended "exercise" in but I don't have to torture him any more than necessary! Who knew it would be so hard to help strengthen his poor little neck!

Weigh in

Anyone who has had a preemie knows just how important all the little details are, like the weight of the their baby. Every little gram counts. The fear that your child might not keep gaining weight is constantly on your mind. Every bottle you give your little one you hope will help him to put on the weight he so desperately needs.

That first trip to the doctor's office after I brought my little one home was so important. I wanted to hear that he put on some weight, I did not want to hear anything else. I was worried that he wouldn't have gained any weight and we would be sent right back to the hospital. So the whole time I was driving to the appointment I was praying for good news.

Luckily for me that prayer came true. I was reassured that he was putting on a good amount of weight. They also gave me his percentile, which I think every parent brags about. Preemies end up on a different scale, since they were early so it makes the numbers seem a little off. On the preemie scale he ranked in the 50-60% in weight and height, so that made me feel great. On the standard scale however he was only at 10%, which sounds bad, but then again at least he made it onto that scale!

First Night Home

All parents anxiously await their first night home with their new little one. It is exciting because you finally have your whole family at home. Yet it is very nerve racking because your baby is home, and he is extremely fragile and you are completely responsible for it! That means not only physically but mentally and emotionally. Never could anyone truly be completely prepared for such a responsibility. There are never enough classes or books to read that can prepare you enough. You are on your own. Granted many people have great spouses that help and a lucky few have wonderful parents and extended families that are willing to help whenever needed. Yet the bulk of the work is for the mom and dad alone.

So that first evening I couldn't seem to go more than five feet away from him. He of course slept in his bassinet the whole time. He would wake up for about 45 minutes around times to eat and then promptly fell asleep. When it was time for bed I fell asleep alright but I must have woke myself up 10 times throughout the night when he needed nothing just so I could make sure his chest was still moving! I had no problem getting up to get his bottles. I just absolutely loved having him home! Knowing that I could hold him whenever I wanted meant the world to me. I loved the way he smelled and felt in my arms. It was wonderful to be home, even if it was weeks after the fact!

Homeward

After days and days of running back and forth between the hospital and my home I finally was able to finish my little man's room so he could come home.

The night before his homecoming was the first night I didn't stay at hospital for all the evening feedings. Instead I went home early to make sure the house was as ready as it needed to be and to get a full night's sleep, especially since it would be the last time I would get a full night's sleep for years.

That night was one of the first nights when it really started to sink in that I was a real mom and there really was a new life that I was responsible for. I figure that most moms feel this way when they bring their baby home, but that is usually in the child's first couple of days of life, not well into their first month of life.

The next morning I was jumping at the bit to get to the hospital. I practically pushed my husband out the door. I felt like a little kid on a morning before going to an amusement park or something. I just wanted to get my little baby home.

Instructions

I remember having a conversation at work while I pregnant about parenting. It focused on how you don't need to be a good person or know a single thing about raising a child in order to get pregnant and become a parent. This of course leads to many fears of parents- that since there is no "Manual" they won't be good parent or that their child will end up being the spawn of the devil or whatever. That being said it seems like a double standard for parents when they want to adopt a child. The process is so complex and there are so many checks and everything. But that is beside the point.

One of the silver linings of a long stay in the special care nursery right after birth was all the instruction we got from the nurses. They made sure we became experts at diaper changes- diaper changes without getting peed on! We got a great lesson on tushy creams, which ones prevent diaper rash and which ones are the best to use if baby ends up with a diaper rash. Then of course there was the lessons in breast feeding (another point) and bottle feeding and burping.

The one I appreciated the most that the lesson on giving a newborn a bath. Personally the bath scared me. I was afraid of not being able to support his head well enough throughout the entire experience, or that I wouldn't get him clean enough. I had read about cradle cap and knew that it happened when parents didn't clean the poor child's scalp enough (at least that was one of the causes), but at the same time I was worried I would wash too hard and damage his soft little head.

All those lessons were so great. They helped to give me some much needed confidence for when he finally came home and I was on my own again. I might have to deal with all the extra issues of having a preemie but at least I didn't have the fears of getting peed on or making the right formula bottle or even keeping my baby clean- and that was one small plus.

Rounds - 2

Personally I made every effort to be at the doctor's rounds every morning. The biggest reason was because I like to hear all the details the residents gave the attending. Those details were not always included in the layman's version I received from the doctor after the official rounds were over. There was no other time when all the information was given at one time about my son every single day. Of course I could bug the evening nurse to get the weight report and call in the middle of the night every night to keep track of his night progress. I know this option is the only option for many working mothers or mothers with other children.

The best part of those rounds was hearing that he was finally making progress and we could start to plan taking him home. That is the best news a parent could ever hear. That is the truth no matter if your child is a preemie or just in the hospital for any reason. When I got that news, that he could go home in the next 48 hours, I spent the next break time emailing every single person I knew to share the great news. I knew everyone was glad, but no one could feel the actual joy I felt at that moment, no one.

Fighting off depression

Every new mother has to work hard to not get depressed. There is the lack of sleep and stress that can cause stress for every new parent. And to add to that many women have to fight the horrible issue of postpartum depression from the whole event of giving birth and no longer carrying the child within you. Now for the mommies who are dealing with the added stress of having a preemie in the special care nurseries, depression seems to be continually banging on your door!

It is so easy to succumb to depression. The feelings that you did something wrong and that is why your baby was born early just nags on you no matter what medical professionals might tell you. Then there is the feelings surrounding the fact that you can't just pick up your baby to comfort you whenever you need to feel that little person on you.

But how do you keep that depression away? I had to focus on the fact that at least my son was improving, even if it was only marginally most days. I forced myself not to worry about anything unless a doctor or nurse told me it was something serious. I just would not allow myself to worry. Another big one was making sure that I stayed far away from any person who had a negative attitude. I just completely cut those people out of my lives and told my husband to help keep those people away. There were not many, but just those few people could really bring my mood down and it just was not worth the stress!

Another little thing that really helped me through it was bring every single tiny baby outfit I had at home (which was not too many since he was a preemie). Being able to have him dressed normally really helped to bring some normalcy to the whole situation. I was able to take pictures of him in his little outfits, which always put a big smile on my face. And smiling is the best medicine to help fight against depression.

Check List

It did not take long to realize that for my son to be released from the special care nursery he would need to pass a list of things, sort of like a little check list. So I started paying extremely close attention to the details to see when improvement occurred in hopes that he would get the ok to come home.


The basic checklist for preemies, as I was told by the nurses in the unit; baby needs to keep body temperature regulated without help from isolette; be able to eat all meals from breast or bottle; be cleared for first round of shots; pass hearing test; and pass car seat check test. Many of the tests had to be cleared by the doctor before anything and to be okay the baby has to be doing well in all the vitals, so it is a slow process.

Needless to say that when my son was okayed for the immunizations and the hearing test I was so excited I went and treated myself to a bag of potato chips! It meant that two things could be crossed off that check out list! The rest of the list seemed to go extremely slowly.

The biggest challenge with that check list was to stay positive so that when I had the opportunity to hold my son he didn't feel my tension. I never wanted him to feel any of those stressful emotions from me because only uplifting emotions would help him to develop and make it through that list! Yet it took weeks for him to complete that check list and those weeks made it extremely difficult to stay in uplifting moods and not get depressed.

Place to be

The issue of being in a hospital while your child is in the hospital at least means that you are not driving back and forth to see your baby. The problem comes when mommy is released but baby is still in the nursery. Of course going home would be great because that means mommy can heal up in the comfort of home but the stress of leaving baby behind is unbearable. It was for me. I wanted to be in that nursery every three hours to help feed my little one. I was convinced that if I was there to hold him when he was allowed out of the isolette that would help him to grow faster and get strong enough to come home quickly.

There are many mothers who are forced to go home, and home for many is not a close drive. Luckily the hospital I was at had a program where you could continue to stay in the hospital as though it were a hotel. So I was able to stay in the hospital so there was a place for me to be in between feedings and a place for me to pump every few hours.

Now if only that would have lasted! The room I had only lasted for 2 days, and my son was in the nursery for weeks. But that is another story!

Making rounds- 1

There are a million responsibilities of the new mother with a child in special care nurseries. She is trying to be there for feedings in hopes of being able to breastfeed; she is pumping every 2 to 3 hours to provide breast milk for her child; and she works hard to be there when the doctors make their morning rounds. She wants to be there so that she can hear directly from the doctor what is going on with her little one. It can be difficult though because doctors make rounds very early in the morning, not to mention the time commitment needed can interfere with work schedules.

In that first week making the doctor's rounds were my personal goal every morning. However I didn't make the first two simply because I was so medicated from the c-section. That third morning though I set my alarm specifically to make it to the nursery in time- and I made it!

The doctor was extremely nice and willing to explain all the technical terms that were being thrown around. My son was going to need to stay in his isolette until he could handle keeping his body temperature stable at room temperature (the isolette was set above room temperature for many days before they started to move the temperature closer to room temperature) and until he could eat his meals by bottle or breast instead of through the tube. That part I understood just fine. He then said he wanted to discuss my son's bilirubin levels, and that went right over my head. He explained that bilirubin tests checked jaundice levels which would show if his liver and pancreas are working correctly. He said that many preemies do not have a healthy level and have to be treated. Luckily my son had healthy levels and did not need that treatment- that was a relief.

After being at the rounds I felt a little better because I had personally met the whole medical staff making decisions about my little one. The only thing was that I was having a hard time waiting for him to get strong enough to get out of the isolette and eventually come home. The true test that preemie mothers have to endure every day while they wait for the news that their baby is ready to go home.

For more information on bilirubin http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/bilirubin-15434.